discover how smart, strong and successful women can finally find your man by Evan Marc Katz

DISCOVER HOW SMART, STRONG & SUCCESSFUL WOMEN (THAT'S Y'all!) Tin can FINALLY Detect Your Man

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dating coach for smart, strong, successful women Evan Marc Katz

Hullo Evan,

I'grand new to y'all, but I'm a quick student. My question is not really for you lot, though, it's for your wife. Has she written anything you can refer me to? Like her, I have Always believed in giving others freedom to live their lives, make their ain choices, etc. I've not establish a man that believes that's a two-manner street.

I'm 49, out of a 20-year marriage followed past a 2-year relationship with a "player" who took reward of that freedom. So at present I am newly on the dating scene and need a fresh belief system that doesn't trigger those onetime fears.

I am interested in her perspective and/or philosophy in regards to how she "deals" with the other women in your life, particularly those you might feel attracted to. I've investigated the "polyamorous" and "open up human relationship" scenarios and I don't really recollect that's what you have or nor what I'm looking for, merely how does a woman handle those situations every bit I do believe in people having freedom in a human relationship is the just way it can piece of work. Is this a fine line?

Thanks, Kim

I like your question, Kim, and while my wife is too busy running to Mommy and Me classes and shopping for our dinner parties to sit down and compose her ain response, I did actually read her your question after dinner one night last week.

A wife trusts her husband enough to not crook, even when at that place's temptation? That's crazy talk!

She was flattered and really wanted to requite you the best possible answer. Her only recorded thoughts on dating have been compiled in a 4-page section of "Why He Disappeared" and I've been told, much to my consternation, that her function is the best part of the whole book. I don't know that I'd go that far — only I would say that learning how to best deal with an alpha male from the horse'due south mouth is pretty invaluable. I'grand quite candid that everything I teach comes from the "What Would My Married woman Do?" schoolhouse of thought and I think you'll really enjoy it.

As to your provocative question about how much freedom you should requite a human being when you're in an sectional relationship and how do you lot deal with the inevitable fears and insecurities, allow me to set the record direct:

It is non at all difficult for my wife to deal with me, for one huge reason.

She trusts me.

Unconditionally. No question about it. Wouldn't even occur to her that I would ever do annihilation to breach our vows.

She knows that I value my character and morals as highly as I value annihilation else in my life. The style other people value religion, I value doing the right thing.

Acceptance is the most powerful tool in making a man feel loyal to you.

And because of that worldview, at that place's nothing I can practice that'south remotely threatening.

This is why I tin be surrounded past five attractive 30-year-old women at a party in Hollywood and I won't get lectured when I get home.

This is why I tin become a lap trip the light fantastic toe at my available political party in Austin, and all my wife asks me when I come home was whether I had fun.

This is why I can occasionally betoken out a woman in a low-cut meridian in a eatery or watch online porn. Neither my married woman nor I thinks that this is a slippery slope that'southward going to destroy the foundation of our relationship.

This is why my wife can hire burlesque dancers to join the 80's rock ring at my 40th birthday political party last month. They were a big striking with everybody — and about ten women came up to me and told me how extraordinary my wife was. Huh?

Don't become me wrong, my wife is extraordinary, but the but thing I think is Really extraordinary is how RARE this kind of behavior is.

A married woman trusts her husband enough to not cheat, even when in that location's temptation? That's crazy talk!

But why? Shouldn't ALL wives trust their husbands? I sure think so. Later on all, what kind of human relationship do yous have if you don't trust the man you're supposed to trust?

Thus, the starting time thing yous have to do, Kim, is to detect a man that you completely trust, without a incertitude. Information technology'south your doubts that volition drive you nuts, not the man himself.

Some women would be driven basics by me, simply that doesn't mean that there's anything incorrect with me. Y'all may call up I'm disrespectful. My wife doesn't. She thinks I'm normal and she loves the fact that I tin be myself effectually her without whatsoever fear of retribution. And because she's so accepting of me — a trait I've establish very hard to find — I beloved her in a way that few men openly dear their wives.

Acceptance is the most powerful tool in making a man experience loyal to you.

Now that does Non hateful accepting behavior that is inherently unacceptable.

Wherever you draw the line becomes the line

Some women freak out if he talks to another woman, has lunch with some other woman, says something cute on Facebook to another woman, or looks at some other woman. I think this is a bad policy because it's substantially request him to spend his entire life lying to you and denying the existence of any other woman. If you detect a human being who is willing to pretend that no ane else in the world is attractive but you, I applaud you and promise you lot're happy.

Disturbing about whether he'southward going to cheat is like agonizing about whether a aeroplane is going to crash. You actually tin can't practice anything nearly it, so you might as well endeavor to enjoy the ride.

Simply since you're a freedom-loving woman, Kim, you don't have to do that. You just want to know how far you should go. Information technology'south not my identify to say what's right for you, but if you believe what I do — that both sexual contact and sexual intention can be considered adulterous — then that becomes your tipping point. If your boyfriend is asking for women's numbers, flirting on Match.com, taking other women out to dinner secretly, having phone sex, or actually cheating on you, then, well, he'due south broken the boundaries of exclusivity.

In other words: fantasizing, fine. Interim on his fantasies without your permission, non fine.

As long as you know your boundaries, you can requite him all the leeway in the globe, until he breaches your trust. Which brings me back to the three things my wife had to say about your question:

i. Go with your gut.

My wife trusts me then much that fifty-fifty when she had physical evidence that I was cheating on her (panties in the dryer), she still believed me when I swore that I wasn't.

She trusted her gut.

My wife knows infidelity — she's had three boyfriends cheat on her — and each time, she knew when something was incorrect. Her wisdom was in not treating those men (or me) as if they were untrustworthy until they really did something untrustworthy.

two. Stop looking for it.

Equally my married woman pointed out, if he's going to cheat on yous, he's going to cheat on you. Yous tin't finish information technology with fright or worry or interrogation or jealousy. If anything, those kinds of behaviors volition be more probable to drive a human being to escape. Disturbing well-nigh whether he'due south going to cheat is like agonizing about whether a airplane is going to crash. You lot really can't do anything about it, so y'all might equally well try to savour the ride.

iii. Trust

Equally I've long said, it's either full trust or no trust. If you truly trust your guy, yous couldn't even imagine him cheating on yous. He has a stiff moral code. He treats you like gilded. Even if he's attracted to other women, he would never think of jeopardizing his human relationship for a quick fling. And then you let everything go that is not actually cheating beliefs — and sentry him limited his further devotion and appreciation to you.

For you will be the only woman e'er who has washed that for him — who was confident enough to let him be himself and non try to modify him.

That's why he'll stick with y'all forever.